dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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