thus making me awesome and them whores
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
