Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
