I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
