Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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