Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
