all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
