Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
