just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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