I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
