WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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