did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
