Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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