May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
