You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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