I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
