Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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