Porn is love you can see.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
