Whod you bang
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
