Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
