okay pat passed out under dana's car
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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