I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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