I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
