I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize