The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
