i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
