how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
