i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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