So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
