Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
