you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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