I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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