Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
