ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
not ubering you a puppy
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
