I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
