when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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