Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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