There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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