Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
