Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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