it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
