It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize