I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
