We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
