she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
