Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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