Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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