She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
