I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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