He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
