There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
