i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
