He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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