dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's shark week go big or go home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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