Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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