K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
