I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
