My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
