I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize