The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
