Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
