I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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