Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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