Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize