So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
