matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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