You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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