p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
