It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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