I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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