A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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