i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
