dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
